


Saving Spider Parker

by ghee (sabakunoghee)



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Attempt at Humor, Developing Relationship, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Stephen Strange, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Romantic Comedy, Teen Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange parenting Peter Parker | Supremefamily | Strange Family, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 10:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18715282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabakunoghee/pseuds/ghee
Summary: “Strange, if I may, why the hell are you floating up there and not using your mythical whip to spank the shit out of them?”“Your kid needs no help yet. Stop spoiling him and let him face a threat just like any normal superhero, will you? Give him a chance.”T rated | Canon/Slightly OOC | Dysfunctional FamilyA multi-chapter story about... Living a superhero life, but with Deadpool.





	Saving Spider Parker

**Author's Note:**

> Everything happened between Wade and Peter would be one-sided.  
> Things between the awesome facial hair bros? Not really.
> 
> Also, people cursing here and there because DP is around. Nothing to be expected, not particularly a unicorn.

“Uh – Pool?”

 

The voice was shaken, unsteady, in a thick dialect which reminded you to ‘My Name is Khan’ and by all means, _not_ the super-soldier-across-galaxy-Khan. That was a thing or two the mutant in red-black spandex would say; the fact that he was the one who led the whole story made everything seems to be possible. Good news, _yes_ , he was there. In the back seat, tried to find a GLOCK inside his extra-cute, medium-sized backpack with a big Hello Kitty head printed on the front side. The cab was crazily zigzagging and people outside screamed as if the end of the world was approaching. Well; it wasn’t half-right-half-wrong since two massive creatures were hastily trailing the rusty, pale-yellow sedan.

 

By ‘trailing’, it meant ‘chasing’. With their jaws opened. Breathing red-hot fireball.

 

“Pool, am I allowed to panic yet?” the man behind the steering wheel shouted nervously. This wasn’t his debut in facing aliens or terrorist attack, but as a taxi driver, he wasn’t paid handsomely enough. Nevertheless, to increase the death risk was the last thing on his list, “Pool, seriously, what are those?”

 

“Dopinder, I bet you skipped Biology when you were in high school,” the ‘Pool’ replied while getting rid of the cocca— _wait, what’s the rating, again?_ Oh – “Not really sure if those Arachnids appeared in Ragnarok, but they clearly came from the Nine Realms shit,” he skilfully cocked the guns on his hands.

 

“Uh-huh? Okay?” the Indian guy obviously didn’t get his passenger’s explanation. Instead, he instantly reminiscing his school days, tried to remember if such species existed – like, seriously, scorpions were supposed to be as small as a human’s palm, _not_ as huge as Stark’s ego; or, physically, Stark Tower, “So what should we do? Becau—SSEEEE SHIT! I ALMOST HIT A BABY CRIB!” Dopinder was a grain of sand away from suffering a panic attack. Still, he managed to do a sharp maneuver to avoid any obstacles.

 

“Easy-peasy, Kirsten Dunst, remember where we are,” the assassin popped out his butt from the car window – _he insisted that it was the easiest way to distract enemies_ – and then a hand caught up, “Let’s place a bet, shall we? At least, two superheroes, one bounty hunter and one wizard would clear the shit up,” two shots aimed to the gigantic, flaming scorpions, “Just lure them to the open space.”

 

“Like… A park?” asked Dopinder while doing the almost-impossible stunt action once more.

 

“A park will do, _yee-haw_!” the driver swore to God above that he would give up gambling and drinking if he was blessed by another week to live. Having a psychopathic murderer on the back seat was never a good idea, “I see the trees of green nearby, Dopsy! Get in there!” said the esteemed Canadian.

 

“Oh, I’m _not_ going to like where things going…” he forgot the break and steered all the way front.

 

 A big grin beneath the thick mask,

 

“Let’s blow some balls!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Can’t this planet be a little bit quieter, just for a day? Oooooone day is all I ask!”

 

New York,

 

The city that never slept. Also, extremely vulnerable against any kind of threats. And when they said ‘any’, it could be interpreted as literally _any_ thing. The citizen of the most populous city was so getting used to evacuate themselves in the matter of critical, emergency situation. It almost felt like they were naturally capable to distinguish those to be run away from, and those to be trusted – SHIELD was one of them, plus superheroes which… Lately, there were so many of them, like mushrooms in the rainy season. Most people still fancied the Avengers the most, but for small-scale jeopardy, practically anyone who looked like a cosplayer would do. The running citizens escaped the park at Wong’s order.

 

In this case, the hero was _him;_ the guardian of Sanctum, the Sorcerer Supreme, the time-keeper, Dr. Stephen Vincent Strange, M.D., Ph.D. – the owner of those academic degrees was levitating cross-legged while accessing the whole picture. Two ancient creatures which looked like they popped up straight from the fable book. The other three were normal humanoids. He knew the two, but the other one wasn’t familiar. Save it for later, the situation below started to be out of hand. The legendary goatee created a translucent sphere of barrier and trapped the intruders inside. Including the superheroes; a silent announcement that he would allow the fight in the middle of his giant shield.

 

However, the incident occurred in _his_ area. Greenwich Village.

 

“Okay, okay, guys, let’s just cool the fuck down,” it was Peter Quill, and it was a mystery how, why, since when, did he get engage with the chaos, “…they’re clearly _not_ cool, aren’t they?” he tried to make a joke, yet no one laugh. Those monsters shrieked a battle cry while rampaging their fiery feet, “What’s the situation? Are these two aliens? Demons? Half-blood alien-and-demon? Or mutant?”

 

The space traveler glanced at his right side, finding rubble of blood and a chopped hand. He took a better look at the company beside him, who just lost a hand, his wrist was an open, gory wound.

 

“…definitely mutant,” Quill muttered.

 

“Injury time! Need three minutes to regrow this!” the spandex-man cussed, “Hey, galaxy-dude, do you have any idea where the nearest Body Shop is? I need a hand. A motherfucker, _literal_ hand, here.”

 

“Ew, gross.”

 

“Guys, stay sharp!” the warning came from the Spider-Man, who was slinging his strong webs here-and-there, abusing his extraordinarily agile movements. A ball of magma almost melted his allies and fortunately, both of them were athletic enough to dodge the hell-scorpion’s attack. Peter Parker just landed on a strong trunk and contacted his AI, “Karen, what are they? And – _waitwaitwait_ , don’t call Mr. Stark! I’m sure I can handle th— _OOOOOOUCH_ that’s hot!” the young man in elastic armor felt an extreme heat on his shoulder, slightly damaging the battle costume, “Hey! That’s rude, Scorpies!”

 

/ “Fire-scorpion, a race of dark magma-like creatures that live on Muspelheim, Nine Realms.” /

 

Peter furrowed, “Okay, so, that’s… An alien, copy that,” the downside for _not_ being in a space ship, he couldn’t blow a hole and let the extreme pressure sucked those creatures out, “And, guys, sorry for interrupting but we’re going to need water. A _lot_ of water,” the eyes on his mask scanned the people remained there, he immediately recognized Peter Quill and Doctor Strange, and casually greeted them, “Mr. Quill, you look great! Mr. Doctor Strange! How are you!” he did that in the middle of raining lava, “And you, we haven’t met before and—OH MY GOD YOUR HAND—Mr. Doctor! We got a situation!”

 

The victim of severed hand laughed hysterically, “Spidey is not PG-13 anymore!” the katana wielder smirked beneath his thick mask, “Webs, chill. It happens a lot. My healing factor will take care of this,” he playfully extended his detached wrist toward Spider-Man, “Name’s Deadpool. Merc with a mouth. Son of my dad. Your favorite bad-guy-that-kick-some-worse-guy’s-ass-for-money who shoved his awesome butt in a super tight red suit,” he winked, _the mask winked_. Wade Wisnton Wilson, his real name, and the sturdy guy approached the smaller boy, hummed intimately, “—and an X-men.”

 

“Whoaaa…”

 

The eye part of Peter’s mask blinked several times, astonished.

 

“Technically a trainee, but still an X-men,” said Deadpool, obviously flirting. He did that while kicking the claw which was burning fire, “Also, I know you, Websy. We met several times, Deadpool Annual #2, Amazing Spider-Man 1963 #611, and then…” his hand was half-done, “The point is, my dear little spider,” with his healthy one, Deadpool pinned Peter on the tree, “We should get along— _FRICK!_ ”

 

A blast.

 

A _horizontal_ blast, powerful enough to throw the son of Winston away.

 

“Stay away from _my_ kid and stay _dead_ , Pool.”

 

Witnessing the graphic violence in front of his very eyes, Peter _le gasp_ , “M-M-M-Mr. Stark!” he yelled in shock, made a fake-smiling face, before turning away and whispered angrily to his AI, “Karen, did you just betray me? Oh, I know you did – how could you do this to me, I thought we’re friends!”

 

/ “FRIDAY saw the news on the television and you were recorded by the park’s CCTV, Peter.” /

 

“…well, damn.”

 

“Kid!”

 

More damn. It wasn’t Iron Man who exclaimed – it was Anthony Edward Stark himself; not the most popular superhero and unquestionably the strongest defender, but a worried father, a fragile adult who constantly dealt with a panic attack, and he was scolding Peter as a responsible grown-up man.

 

“What did I tell you about the emergency situation? Do you even know what kind of creature they are? They can tear your limbs, rip off your internal organs and have a barbeque with the remains!” Tony showed his _real_ face when his highly developed battle suit opened its head part, “Why can’t you just listen to me – _hhh,_ and you!” his angry, honey-colored eyes pointed upward, meeting Stephen’s azure ones with accusing gaze, “Strange, if I may, why the hell are you floating up there and not using your mythical whip to spank the shit out of them?” he paused; silently realizing how kinky his sentence was.

 

“Tony,” the owner of the particular name almost had a light heart attack. _Curse that deep voice of yours, you damn wizard_. Stephen calmly replied, “I was about to lend a hand, and you abruptly entered my barrier,” he smiled, then gave Peter a mischievous wink, “Besides, your kid needs no help yet. Stop spoiling him and let him face a threat just like any normal superhero, will you? Give him a chance.”

 

Peter gave him two big thumbs, “Wise, Mr. Doctor Strange!”

 

Stephen asymmetrically smiled. And it pissed Tony off.

 

“C’ mon!” Tony helplessly groaned, “Why is everyone _always_ against me?” he closed his iron mask to hide his pouting expression. It wasn’t like he was blind – he _knew_ Peter sneaked out several times to visit 177a Blecker Street. The Sanctum. He hated to admit this; but since the Battle of Titan (…well, they spent a _lot_ of time in the hospital after Thanos, this and that, yadda-yadda, thanks for the ride, Star-Lord!) Peter and Strange’s relationship grew closer and closer, just like an active, curious kid who was fascinated by the uncle-next-door, who was coincidentally a sorcerer. Consider this a top-secret, but Tony, who always got whatever he wanted without any extra effort, was _jealous_ of the wizard.

 

But, _alas_ , his pride was as high as a skyscraper with his name on it, so –

 

“We’ll talk about this, Kiddo, and trust me, you’re going to have a very bad time for being a traitor,” Tony and his cynical tone, “Also _you._ I wouldn’t want to save your magical ass this time.”

 

“Fair enough,” the eccentric man up there grinned confidently.

 

“I’m really sorry for interfering in your parenting business,” Quill pressed a button on the side of his helmet, showing up his face, “But I couldn’t tame this barbeque-critters alone, okay? Fellas?”

 

“Said the guy who trained a pack of velociraptors,” the mercenary joined the party after his healing factor kicked in, (Peter Parker as the back sound, ‘Is that a Jurassic World reference?’) and pointed out his freshly healed hand to the mechanic, “Nice try, Tony, but you should’ve gone for the head!”

 

The old Stark was disturbed by the quote; _had he heard those words somewhere?_

 

“Don’t ‘Tony’ me again, Walking Dead, I dare you,” said the rich guy while aiming his repulsor and did two blasts against their mutual enemies, “Besides, what are you doing here? Hijacking the Avengers?”

 

“To be fair, _everybody_ called you ‘Tony’ right after the Infinity War, I thought it’s the latest trend,” he threw a blade, precisely pierced an eye of the flaming scorpion, “And did you seriously not update your Insta-story? My studio and your studio are married now, so technically, we’re brothers, not cousins, but brothers,” Deadpool flicked a finger, “Not to mention that I’m an official X-men, now!”

 

“TRAINEE!” Peter retorted from afar.

 

“TRAINEE!” Wade sent him a kiss-bye, “Oh, how I want to marry that guy.”

 

“After my dead body, jackass,” Tony didn’t approve.

 

The assassin pretended to be surprised, “Isn’t it supposed to be, you know, spoiler alert?”

 

Tony was about to lose it,

 

“Oka-aaaay, guys, focus!” the leader of the Guardians, finally, took a step forward, “Really, we’re going to be late for lunch. Stark, no firing, you’ll just be going to blow up those stupid shells and _boom_. We don’t want to lose New York,” Quill’s explanation was followed by a nod from Stephen up there, “I just came up with an idea but I’m going to need a solid teamwork from each of us, now – will you two cooperate and forget all the grudges and anything related to a wedding? Because it triggers me.”

 

“Dude, I don’t mean to be rude or something, but nothing’s personal,” Deadpool raised two fingers.

 

Tony scoffed, “Fine…” he swallowed his pride for a while, “What’s the plan?”

 

The strategist smirked, “Oh, you’re going to like it very much,” a pat on Tony’s armor and a tender smile, “But you? Should I say,” Quill shook his head, his free hand landed on Wade’s shoulder, “Not so much.”

**Author's Note:**

> Saving Private Ryan (c) Robert Rodat & Steven Spielberg


End file.
